The Snotrocketeer

 

Madison Bumgarner’s new role: action hero?

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-Tweet-Snotrocketeer

 

I had one of my worst nights as a Madison Bumgarner snotrocket tallier the other night. I think it was a combination of being so wrapped up in Bumgarner’s fine pitching performance plus despairing at how the San Francisco Giants once again were confounded by San Diego Padres pitcher Odrisamer Despaigne. Add to those the fact that at one point Bumgarner suddenly started shooting out snotrockets faster than the speed of light and you have a snotrocket tallier posting this embarrassing set of tweets on Twitter:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-Tweet-Corrections-2015

 

So many corrections in one night. How mortifying.

On to happier things. Here are Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket totals and other vital statistics for Tuesday, June 23, 2015 at home vs. the San Diego Padres:

 

  • ND, 7.1 IP, 5 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 BB, 14 K, 0 HR, 16 SNR (snotrockets): 5 vs. lefties, 8 vs. righties, 3 other. 4 double SNR. 1 at-bat SNR. 1 on base SNR.
  • Madison Bumgarner’s most prolific inning was the 8th in which he blew 6 snotrockets.
  • At 7:49 PM Madison Bumgarner blew his 100th snotrocket of the 2015 season.
  • Bumgarner now with 111 snotrockets so far in the 2015 season.

 

One person who stayed cool and calm under pressure was @SanDiegoGiants. He didn’t let the actions of the game affect his snotrocket screencapping performance; no, he cranked out the snotrocket screencaps like a true professional. Here’s a full frontal snotrocket from the 1st inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-06-23

 

A snotrocket from behind in the 3rd inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-06-23-1

 

My personal favorite of the night: a combination snotrocket/crotch grab:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-06-23-2-Crotch Grab

 

Madison Bumgarner begins his busiest inning with, what else, a snotrocket:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-06-23-3

 

Still in the 8th inning, still going strong at 99 pitches and still with a 2-0 lead Bumgarner expresses himself thusly:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-06-23-4

 

Last snotrocket screencap of the game turned out to be a double one. First the left nostril:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-06-23-5-Double-Left

 

And then the right nostril:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-06-23-5-Double-Right

 

Madison Bumgarner’s next start should be this Sunday, June 28, 2015 at home vs. the Colorado Rockies. See you here or on Twitter for all the exciting snotrocket action.

Seattle Slew Snotrockets

 

No horse, just snotrockets in a loss against the Mariners.

Here are Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket totals and other vital statistics from Wednesday, June 17, 2015 on the road vs. the Seattle Mariners:

 

  • L, 8.0 IP, 4 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 1 IBB, 9 K, 0 HR, 10 SNR (snotrockets): 2 vs. L, 3 vs. R, 5 other. 5 double SNR.
  • Madison Bumgarner’s most prolific innings were the 1st, 5th and 6th innings in which he blew 2 snotrockets per inning.
  • Bumgarner now with 95 snotrockets in the 2015 season.

 

Once again @SanDiegoGiants stepped up to the plate and knocked some snotrocket screencaps out of the park. Here’s one from the 2nd inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-06-17

 

A nice one from the 4th inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-06-17-1

 

A classic profile snotrocket from the 5th inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-06-17-2

 

In the 6th inning Bumgarner was still getting no run support but he was still giving up plenty of snotrockets:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-06-17-3

 

In the 7th inning Bumgarner expressed his displeasure at getting zero run support by turning his back on home plate and blowing a snotrocket:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-06-17-4

 

Madison Bumgarner pitched well, only giving up 2 runs in 8 innings. But all he had to show for it was a complete game loss and some very fine snotrockets:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-06-17-5

 

Madison Bumgarner’s next start should be Tuesday, June 23, 2015 at home vs. the San Diego Padres. See you here or on Twitter for all the exciting snotrocket action.

Whole Lotta Snotrocketin Goin On

 

We got snotrocketin on the diamond, whose diamond, what diamond, my diamond…

We ain’t fakin, there was a whole lotta snotrocketin going on in Madison Bumgarner’s last start. For the second start in a row Bumgarner reached double digit snotrocket totals in a game. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a whole lotta Giants offense going on and that meant Bumgarner took a loss even though he only gave up 1 run in 8 innings. The Giants couldn’t even shake it one time and were shut out.

Here are Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket totals and other vital statistics for Friday, June 12, 2015 at home vs. the Arizona Diamondbacks:

 

  • L, 8.0 IP, 9 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 3 BB, 7 K, 15 SNR (snotrockets): 1 vs. lefties, 7 vs. righties, 7 other. 2 pre-game SNR. 4 at-bat SNR. 1 double SNR.
  • Madison Bumgarner most prolific innings were the 1st, 3rd and 6th in which he blew 4 snotrockets per inning.
  • Bumgarner’s snotrocket season total now at 85 SNR.

 

Runs were scarce in Friday’s game but the snotrockets were plentiful and thankfully @SanDiegoGiants screencapped a bunch of them. Here’s one from the 3rd inning (note the home plate ump expressing his delight at witnessing a Bumgarner snotrocket in person):

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-06-12

 

An at-bat snotrocket, close up:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-06-12-1

 

Another at-bat snotrocket, this time further away:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-06-12-2

 

A 6th inning snotrocket:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-06-12-3

 

Another snotrocket also from the 6th inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-06-12-4

 

The 6th inning was a very good inning, snotrocket-wise:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-06-12-5

 

No hits from Madison Bumgarner tonight but plenty of at-bat snotrockets:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-06-12-6

 

And last but not least a nice closeup snotrocket from the 8th inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-06-12-7

 

Madison Bumgarner’s next start should be Wednesday, June 17, 2015 on the road vs. the Seattle Mariners. Catch all the exciting interleague snotrocket action here or on Twitter.

SNOTROCKET IT BUMGARNER, SNOTROCKET IT, COME ON OVER WHOLE LOTTA SNOTROCKETIN GOIN ONNN…

Double Digit Snotrockets…Finally

 

Yea verily, let it be known that on 6 June 2015 Madison Bumgarner of the San Francisco Giants reached double digit snotrocket totals in a game for the first time this season. GLORY HALLELUJAH PRAISE BE SING IT FROM THE MOUNTAINTOPS I KNEW HE STILL HAD IT IN HIM.

Here are Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket totals and other vital statistics from Saturday, June 6, 2015 on the road vs. the Philadelphia Phillies:

 

  • W, 8.0 IP, 6 H, 5 R, 5 ER, 0 BB, 11 K, 2 HR, 11 SNR (snotrockets): 2 vs. lefties, 5 vs. righties, 4 other. 3 double SNR. 1 glove SNR.
  • Madison Bumgarner’s most prolific inning was the 7th in which he blew 4 snotrockets.
  • Madison Bumgarner now with 70 snotrockets this season.

 

To the dismay of many @SanDiegoGiants was on assignment during this game and was not able to screencap most of the snotrockets on that historic day. However he later took pity on us snotrocket worshippers and produced a fine double snotrocket screencap. First the right nostril:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-06-06-Double-Right

 

And then the left:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-06-06-Double-Left

 

Madison Bumgarner’s next start should be Friday, June 12, 2015 at home vs. the Arizona Diamondbacks. See you here or on Twitter for all the exciting snotrocket action.

Snotrockets Above Replacement

 

Ladies and gentlemen: a new baseball stat?

Twitter-Fawn_Liebowitz-tdappel-Snotrockets Above Replacement-2015

 

Hmmmm…

Today is a two-fer because I neglected to post the totals from last week’s Bumgarner outing. There is no real reason behind that other than sheer laziness. I humbly apologize and promise to never let it happen again. Until it actually does happen again which will cause me to humbly apologize again.

Here are Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket totals and other vital statistics for Tuesday, May 26, 2015 on the road vs. the Milwaukee Brewers (open roof):

 

  • W, 6.0 IP, 4 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 2 BB, 3 K, 1 HR, 5 SNR (snotrockets): 0 vs. lefties, 3 vs. righties, 2 other. 1 on-base SNR.
  • Madison Bumgarner’s most prolific inning was the 6th in which he blew 2 snotrockets.
  • Madison Bumgarner now with 52 SNR (snotrockets) on the season. Last year he reached his 52nd SNR on 04/22/14.

 

As is becoming all too disturbingly common this season Bumgarner had yet another low snotrocket total in last week’s game against the Brewers. Yet even though the snotrockets were scarce @SanDiegoGiants still managed to capture a few for snotrocket posterity. An on-base long distance snotrocket from the 3rd inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-26

 

A snotrocket from the end of the 4th inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-26-1

 

And lastly a runners-on second-and-third-and-nobody-out snotrocket in the 6th inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-26-2

 

And now for today’s totals. We won’t discuss the outcome of today’s San Francisco Giants game. Let’s just stick to the snotrockets because they’re always cheerful and fun and filled with snotrockety goodness.

Here are Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket totals and other vital statistics for Sunday, May 31, 2015 at home vs. the Atlanta Braves:

 

  • ND, 6.1 IP, 5 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 1 BB, 6 K, 1 HR, 7 SNR (snotrockets): 3 vs. lefties, 1 vs. righties, 3 other. 1 at-bat SNR.
  • Madison Bumgarner’s most prolific inning was the 6th in which he blew 3 snotrockets.
  • Madison Bumgarner now with 59 snotrockets in the 2015 season.
  • Bumgarner still has not reached double digit snotrocket totals in any single game in this 2015 season.

 

If the snotrocket stats are the meat and potatoes of this blog then the snotrocket screencaps are the dessert. Enjoy a sweet-looking Bumgarner at-bat snotrocket screencap from @SanDiegoGiants:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-31

 

Bumgarner’s perfect game was still going strong in the 3rd inning and his snotrocket game was on point too:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-31-1

 

Bumgarner’s perfect game and no-hitter was gone by the 6th inning but the snotrockets were still going strong:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-31-2

 

A classic snotrocket shot, also from the 6th inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-31-3

 

Bonus snotrocket photo of the non-Bumgarner variety – this one from a Yusmeiro Petit outing against the Rockies in Colorado on May 23, 2015:

Giants-Petit-Snotrocket-2015-05-23

 

Madison Bumgarner’s next start  should be this Saturday, June 6, 2015 on the road vs. the Philadelphia Phillies. See you here or on Twitter for all the exciting snotrocket action.

Glove Snotrockets

 

Today’s game saw, to the best of my snotrocket knowledge, a first in Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket repertoire. A glove snotrocket. Wait, make that two glove snotrockets. What’s a glove snotrocket you say? Read on and discover. I mean, discover after the game totals.

Here are Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket totals and other vital statistics for Thursday, May 21, 2015 at home vs. the Los Angeles Dodgers (eeuww):

 

  • W, 6.1 IP, 7 H, 0 R, 0 ER, 2 BB, 6 K, 9 SNR (snotrockets): 3 vs. lefties, 5 vs. righties, 1 other. 1 pre-game SNR. 1 double SNR. 2 glove SNR.
  • Madison Bumgarner’s most prolific inning was the 1st in which he blew 3 snotrockets.
  • Madison Bumgarner has still not reached double digit snotrocket totals in any game this season.
  • Bumgarner now has 47 snotrockets so far this season.

 

Enough about the snotrocket stats, as scintillating as they are. How about some snotrocket screencaps? As always @SanDiegoGiants brought his A game and produced some fine SNR pics. He got Madison Bumgarner’s first pre-game snotrocket of the season and a double one at that:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-21

 

Whenever Bumgarner blows a double snotrocket I like to also include closeups because why not. Here’s the left nostril:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-21-Double-Left

 

And the right one:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-21-Double-Right

 

A from behind snotrocket in the 1st inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-21-1

 

This also happened in the 1st inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-21-2-Nose Pick

 

A snotrocket from the 2nd inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-21-3

 

And now what you’ve all been waiting for. The aforementioned GLOVE SNOTROCKET:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-21-4-Glove

 

Madison Bumgarner snotrocket enthusiasts, take note of the above photo. As far as I know it’s the first of its kind. Bumgarner has always used his (ungloved) left hand to blow a snotrocket. That is until yesterday’s game. For the first time ever (I’m calling it) Bumgarner used his gloved hand to blow a snotrocket. All these years of counting Bumgarner snotrockets and I’ve never seen this until yesterday. History was made and I got to witness it as it happened. I am blessed.

Now back to the regular everyday garden variety snotrockets. One from the 3rd inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-21-5

 

That last snotrocket was a cause for me to forget my recent worries over Bumgarner’s lack of snotrockets lately and just simply rejoice:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-21-Tweet

 

A snotrocket from the 4th inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-21-6

 

Bumgarner didn’t limit his magnificence yesterday to snotrockets. He also hit a home run. Off of Clayton Kershaw no less. Kershaw had never given up a home run to an opposing pitcher until yesterday. Hahahahaha DODGERS SUCK:

Giants-Bumgarner-Home Run-2015-05-21

 

While Bumgarner didn’t reach double digit snotrocket totals in yesterday’s game he did blow more SNRs than in any other game this season. Also in yesterday’s game I noticed that Bumgarner’s hair was a bit shorter. These two facts combined scientifically prove what I’ve said before:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-Tweet-Long Hair-1-2015-05-21

 

Madison Bumgarner’s next start should be Tuesday, May 26, 2015 on the road vs. the Milwaukee Brewers. See you here or on Twitter for all the exciting snotrocket action.

Midwestern Snotrockets

 

The problem with waiting too long to write these blog posts is that I forget a lot of what happened in the game. BUT DAMN IT I’M NOT A WRITER I’M A SNOTROCKET TALLIER.

Suffice to say that the San Francisco Giants prevailed, Madison Bumgarner got the win and there were snotrockets.

Here are Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket totals and other vital statistics for Friday, May 15, 2015 on the road vs. the Cincinnati Reds:

 

  • W, 7.0 IP, 8 H, 2 R, 2 ER, 0 BB, 4 K, 2 HR, 6 SNR (snotrockets): 1 vs. lefties, 3 vs. righties, 2 other. 1 double SNR.
  • Madison Bumgarner’s most prolific innings were the 1st and 3rd in which he blew 2 snotrockets per inning.
  • Bumgarner now with 38 snotrockets so far in the 2015 season.
  • Bumgarner has yet to reach double digit snotrockets this season.

 

As you can tell by the above stats Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket decline continues. No one knows what to make of this. It’s all very puzzling and somewhat depressing. So let’s take our mind off the snotrocket sadness and cheer ourselves up with some fine snotrocket screencaps. @SanDiegoGiants came to our rescue and tweeted out some dandies after the game. Here’s one from behind in the 1st inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-15

 

Also from the 1st inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-15-1

 

A long-distance snotrocket during the 3rd inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-15-2

 

A shy snotrocket from the 3rd inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-15-3

 

So calm your nostrils, Bumgarner’s still blowing snotrockets. Just not as many as he has in years past. We must all try to be brave, and strong, not Panik panic and hope for more copious Bumgarner mucus magic soon.

Madison Bumgarner’s next start should be Thursday, May 21, 2015  at home vs. the Los Angeles Dodgers (eeuww). See you here or on Twitter for all the exciting snotrocket action.

Sluggish Snotrockets

 

A short outing for Madison Bumgarner. A loss for Madison Bumgarner. A paucity of snotrockets for Madison Bumgarner. Three strikes and I’m out for the night.

Here are Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket totals and other vital statistics for Saturday, May 9th, 2015 at home vs. the Miami Marlins:

 

  • L, 5.0 IP, 5 H, 3 R, 3 ER, 2 BB, 10 K, 1 HR, 4 SNR (snotrockets): 2 vs. lefties, 1 vs. righties, 1 other. 1 double SNR.
  • Madison Bumgarner now with 32 snotrockets so far in the 2015 season.

 

This game was a snoozer. The only thing to liven it up were the snotrocket screencaps provided by @SanDiegoGiants. Here’s a double snotrocket from the 1st inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-09-Double

 

Regular ol’ garden variety single snotrocket from the 2nd inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-09-1

 

Classic closeup  snotrocket from the 4th inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-09-2

 

The last snotrocket of the game:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-09-3

 

Madison Bumgarner’s next start should be Friday, May 15th, 2015 on the road vs. the Cincinnati Reds. See you here or on Twitter for all the exciting snotrocket action.

No No-No Snotrockets

 

Madison Bumgarner came close to pitching a no hitter Monday night, losing his no hit bid in the 7th inning. Alas, he had to settle for a win and a shutout, with help from Sergio Romo and Santiago Casilla. Don’t worry about losing your no-hitter Bumgarner, your fans are sure you’ll get that no-no someday. Instead, worry about your declining snotrocket numbers. The lack of nasal projectiles has everyone perturbed. Your fans clamor for more snotrockets, Mr. Bumgarner. Please don’t disappoint them.

Here are Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket totals and other vital statistics for Monday, May 4, 2015 at home vs. the San Diego Padres:

 

  • W, 7.1 IP, 2 H, 1 BB, 0 R, 0 ER, 6 K, 7 SNR (snotrockets): 0 vs. lefties, 2 vs. righties, 5 other. 1 double SNR. 1 on base SNR.
  • Madison Bumgarner’s most prolific innings were the 4th and 7th in which he blew 2 snotrockets per inning.
  • Bumgarner now with 28 snotrockets so far in the 2015 season.

 

Even though Bumgarner failed to reach double digit snotrockets for the 6th straight game everyone’s favorite snotrocket screencapper, @SanDiegoGiants, did not fail in capturing the best of Bumgarner’s nasal glory. Here’s his tweet showing the left and right shots of Bumgarner’s only double snotrocket of the game:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-04-Tweet

 

A real nose bender of a snotrocket:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-04-1

 

An on-base snotrocket from the 4th inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-04-2

 

The no-hitter was still intact when this snotrocket was blown:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-04-3

 

In the 7th inning the no-hitter was gone but the snotrockets remained:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-04-4

 

And one last snotrocket from the game:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-05-04-5

 

Madison Bumgarner’s next start should be Saturday, May 9th, 2015 at home vs. the Florida I mean Miami Marlins. See you here or on Twitter for all the exciting snotrocket action.

 

 

Snotrockets in Enemy Territory

 

Dodgers: beaten. Kershaw: defeated. Bumgarner: victorious. Snotrockets: blown. Dodger Stadium: toilet.

Here are Madison Bumgarner’s snotrocket totals and other vital statistics for Tuesday, April 28th, 2015 on the road vs. the Los Angeles Dodgers (eww):

  • W, 8.0 IP, 5 H, 1 R, 1 ER, 1 BB, 9 K, 5 SNR (snotrockets): 0 vs. lefties, 5 vs. righties, 0 other. 2 double SNR.
  • Madison Bumgarner’s most prolific inning was the 8th in which he blew 3 snotrockets.
  • Bumgarner now with 21 snotrockets so far in the 2015 season.

As you can see from the above stats Bumgarner is still outputting fewer snotrockets than usual. How much fewer? Take a look at the following year by year comparison. Madison Bumgarner SNR (snotrocket) totals, 1st five games by season:

  • 2015: 21 SNR
  • 2014: 55 SNR
  • 2013: 61 SNR
  • 2012: 63 SNR

How to explain this? Did Bumgarner get his deviated septum fixed? Is someone slipping some Zyrtec into his morning coffee? Has the drought in California dried up Madison’s mucus as well? Stay tuned.

Even though the low amount of Bumgarner snotrockets in Tuesday’s game had us all a little down @SanDiegoGiants cheered everyone up with some winning snotrocket screencaps. Here’s the first one of the game:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-04-28

 

A snotrocket from the 8th inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-04-28-1

 

A nice closeup snotrocket, also from the 8th inning:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-04-28-2

 

Another closeup snotrocket, a real nose twister this time:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-04-28-3

 

The rubber nose snotrockets are a bit disconcerting to some:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-04-28-Tweet

 

If you can’t see it here’s a lovely nose-bending snotrocket closeup:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-04-28-3-Zoom

 

There were so few snotrockets in Tuesday’s game that @SanDiegoGiants took to tweeting about Bumgarner’s hair:

Giants-Bumgarner-Hair-2015-04-28-Tweet

 

Bumgarner’s hair this season looks to be even longer than it was last year, causing me to make this completely unverified statement:

Giants-Bumgarner-Snotrocket-2015-04-28-Tweet-Long Hair

 

One last thing: WHAT IN GOD’S NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND PURE IS THIS:

Giants-Bumgarner-Kershaw-Jerseys-2015

That is just…it’s…I…no. Just no. Stop it stop it right now.

Madison Bumgarner’s next start should be Monday, May 4. 2015 at home vs. the San Diego Padres. See you here or on Twitter for all the exciting snotrocket action.

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